Being a Dork is sooo the new being cool

So back in the day (whenever that is for you) it was cool to have a side part, letter jacket, date the head cheerleader and be a big bully. Well the times they are a changin' and with this change comes the resurgance of older clothes and the ringing of "its hip to be square" can be heard. Being a dork/ geek is the way to go...cause really we have way more fun. See you can do whatever you want, where whatever you feel like, be friends with whom ever you see fit when your a dork...you don't have an image to up hold and thats why this previously undeisrable postion on the social totem pole (haha i just like the word totem pole for some reason) is becoming the new style. Well maybe I just think its the new style...really who cares!!

So tonight was what I call my offical sign of summer because My bro is home and we had some brews. Today for as little as I did or accomplished has been super awesome...setting this week up to rule. Bro home, awesome talk with a friend i haven't talked to in forever, an even better talk with someone I had never really had a huge convo with/ a new scene for the summer movie, an SC??, baseball is starting, I finished the rough draft of my play 'Cream and Sugar', I have my last final, The ever so sweet (and missed) 'Real' is comming home, Calgary is fixing to be the biggest rager of a party I have been to in years...I mean if this isn't shaping up to be one sweet week I don't know what is.

So becuase this night was going so awesome I went out on to my brand new deck, with a freshly opened beer and stared at the stars. What a clear night...what an amazing never ending amazement above!

Anyway best wishes to all of you finding your beginning to summer!

p.s. I can't wait for a rainy day!!

Broken hearts, scrapped knees and black eyes

Everything in life is supposed to have a lesson in it. Your supposed to take notes and then refer to those notes the next time you cross the same 'assignment'. Some people are very studious and write every little thing down and are very cautious when they come to the same place and then others take it for granted and deal with what comes their way when it comes their way. Thing is too many people get hurt (ie broken hearts, scrapped knees and black eyes) and they never try that which inflicted the pain every again. They just avoid the confrontaion with unkown all together and get stuck in a safe routine. But this is in no way to live your life...in actuallity you can be hurt turning a page to a book and get a nasty papercut (thus why you shouldn't read at all...jj) , you can get out of the shower and slip on teh floor bang your head and die, you can go to sleep and wake up to have all your defining possesions gone. Really life is teaching you these lessons so that you keep trying them to improve on them not so that you give up on them and do the easier ones. Your supposed to challenge them, take them head on and fail as many times as it takes you to find the one way that succeeds and then try another way..because there is always more than one way to succeed at everything. Black eyes eventually heal and while they are there you can wear them with a sense of pride that you didn;t back down from an obstacle. Scrapped knees will go away, sometimes they become scars...but chicks dig scars and they give you a story tell and leave you a reminder that you tried and failed and then when you succeed it will have been worth it. Broken hearts come and go. If when your heart was broken it never was fixed then how could you have more than one broken heart. The best part about that broken heart is finding someone to put it back together again..sure all the kings/queens horses and all the kings/queens men/women can try but really they are just in the way of letting the king or queen to do thier repairs. Taking the advice of a now somewhat alzehimer siexe grandpa"the past is the past, sure its nice to cream about the past and change things to the way you wanted it to be but that doesn't change the present. The only thing you can do is give your all and try and not let what happened in the past affect your future. The only thing that can affect your future is you and always remember that!"

Grandpa was a wise, wise man..and for all that he now can't remember he has passed on for us to remember and pass on..that and well he still is pretty damned good at cribbage and rubbing it in!!

remember if your going to swim in the deep end that you should wait atleast 30 minutes after eating otherwise there's no way your going to fit into that thong!

peace

Movin' on up

"Movin' on up
Moovin' on up to the eastside
In a deluxe apartment in the sky!!!!!!!!!!!!"

In the new house, still have mega unpacking to commence.
Nailed my comp sci midterm last night.
Was going to celebrate the triumph by going out and partying down until I found out my car was a grand to fix thus making me even more poor and then my phone died and we only have one of them out right now because the rest are packed away in damned boxes...thus no party for me...but I did watch spoongebob squarepants the movie! man is that movie ever hillarious...naked parachuting with a flag between the cheeks is pricless, cartoon or not!!!
enough about my life...

I had an epihany during my bad day the other day. I was asking where the sunshine was when really all I wanted was the rain. I wanted to throw on my rubber boots, put on my discman and go for a walk and get utterly soaked by the rain and jump in every single puddle I could find. The rain brings me joy, it washes everything clean and gives fresh starts to every bloody thing it touches...I was looking for the sunshine to brighten my life when I should have been wishing for the rain to come and wash all that shit away. Well the rain didn't come but I have found my clean slate and begin fresh. As my motto goes "Life's a bitch then you die. Might as well have some fun while your here!" and to be a motto you gotta refer to it every now and then...and that time is now!!

funniest thing I heard all day
Vanessa: "...Yeah that and I made salad!"
Me: "this looks like a pretty bare salad, nothing but lettuce"
Vanessa: "well all the good stuff has just fallen to the bottom, all you've got to do is toss it a little!"
Me: "so what your saying is I should toss my own salad??"
Vanessa: "well yeah, or if your gonna be a baby I can toss your salad for you! (commence salad tossing) geesh now was that so hard"
ok so maybe you had to be there, imagine 3 people laughing their asses off as Vanessa talks about salad tossing with no clue that there is an alternate meaning!!

Another funny thing happened to me today, I got added to somebodies list on msn and I was all like "hey I am bored and everyone I know is either studying or partying it up at this party I should be at, might as well talk to this new person" so anyway this new person's all like 'hey there' and I am all like 'but my lips hurt real bad' and then they are like 'glad to finally meet someone new, are you hot. I am hot and so damned horny' and this is when I clued in that I had been added by one of those sex things...anyway long story short...well acctually thats the whole story, I just deleted them off the ole list and then came on here to write about it...I am cool I know!!

anyway time for some "carpe meid", translation "seize the night by going to sleep for 10ish hours" or something like that!!

Where's the sunshine?

Just failed physical geography final.
Need only a %26 to pass the class.
Probably didn't acchieve this mark.
Means I didn't achieve the requirments to get my degree.
My car broke down.
I broke one of my best friends discman by accident.
A hole has been sprung in my waterbed.
Its dark and cold outside but the rain won't come.
The newest hope of love sent out the big "I ain't interested in something like that with you. sorry".
I feel physically sick.
I still have 3 finals to write.
I cut myself shaving.
I stubbed my toe on the wall.
I slopped ketchup on my crotch.
My food was a little cold.
I cut my nails to short so that the underneath is open and feels like its been papercut.
I am broke as broke can be.
My lips are dry and they hurt real bad.
My parents yelled at me because I "don't take pride or responsibility in anything like school or your car or money".
I just failed my physical geograhpy class, thus didn't get my degree this year the day after my car broke down with my bank account balance being at negative 66 dollars.
Where's the sunshine? WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SUNSHINE!!!!!!

welcome to the last 24 hours of my life...no lies except for the fact that my lips hurt real bad, that part was made up!!
If it wasn't for music I would probably be goin insane right now...but I am listening to mr. brightside over and over hoping it rubs of and that either the rain comes or the sun starts shining!!...also 'I hate everything' by the suicide machines is the anthem for the day!!

I better damn well get a good poem or song out of this day or I will pull uber-emo and cry!!

The Mend

Bu Bump Bu Bump
I can hear the beating
Rhytmically calling my name
Growing louder with every passing moment
Seemingly an endless loop
And I can feel the pain
But its not my own
Broken hearts seem to be forgotten
The pulse begins to race
Bu Bump Bu Bump
The curiosity growing
Anticipation blinding all judgement
As the sound grows closer the rythm speeds up
Eyes search everywhere and find nothing
The soul begins its own journey
Winding aimlessly down the path to the deep
Bu Bump Bu Bump
A voice can be heard above the sound
The words still lost
Could this be what the search was for
Has the aimless wandering been worth it
Bu Bump Bu Bump
The pain no longer felt
The sound now doubled by my own beating
BU BUMP BU BUMP
A begining...or the end...

so all today I have been studying physical geography which is the most boring shit ever. I came home had some food and a shower and I felt like I should be somewhat creative...whether I have succeeded or not in making a good poem I have been creative and for that I am happy!

"exhale...another wasted breath
Again it goes unnoticed..." Dashboard confessional - Again it goes unnoticed

This line personifies what I am always talking about...The little things are what count and yet they always go unnoticed, are unerappreciated, forgotten...etc...so today exhale and feel priveldged that you get another breath!!

if I often write insomniatic ramblings does that mean I am insomniac??
peace

The Oneders

Another night spent with insomniatic jumble running through my head...disease of choice: wondering myself to death

Ever wonder if/ that/ why/ what...
- that at this exact moment in some place on the other side of the earth some person is writing about the exact same thing, or even maybe the exact same words...
- that someday there will never be any new music because all the songs have been written, all the words will have been used and put together, all the chords will have been played in every way possible, every voice begins to sound the same...
- that you let that perfect moment pass you by...
- that your perfect moment is yet to come...
- if there is a life after this one...
- what will it be like...
- good or bad...
- why everything can be made better with one simple word, smell, touch, look...
- why the stars are so amazing when really they are just simply like scattered x-mas lights hanging off a black table cloth overhead...
- if you had just taken that simple risk would you be a different person...
- if those you surround yourself with have choosen you or if you have choosen them...
- was it a pre-destined course that these were the people you were going to be around...
- does fate truly exsist...
- if the words written were in some way about you and only you, whether you know the author or not...
- why the rain can have booth a meaning of gloom to one but bring another so much joy...
- if those things which you believe make you unique and original are acctually the exact same things 5 million other people think make them unique and original...
- if you were in someone else's shoes would you have the same dispostions...
- would you be happy...
- if you knew that someone that had abandoned you before you even knew them...
- before they knew you...
- if the small stuff really is the big stuff...
- what kind of panties the waitress was wearing, uderpants. odds are they're probably your basic white but then you get to thinking what if there not. what if they're something special I've never even heard of before...
- if the covers are keeping you in bed...
- or is it the fear of starting the day...
- if you have given your best and it really isn't yet to come...
- if this blog is ever going to end...

well I will help you stop wondering about the last one!
anyway this is the list that kept me awake last night. There will probably be another one tonight and again the next...funny thing is I sleep so good once I get there but lately the falling part is the hardest.

but then again isn't the falling part always the hardest...

peace