The Background

Have you ever been in a place where you know almost absolutely everyone and yet it seems like your not even there. That you are just in the background, as noticed as a piece of funiture or the picture on the wall thats only up for sentimental reason thus its stuck in the corner. This feeling is unsettling for alot of people and they don't know how to deal with it. But if you embrace the feeling you can acctually learn alot about these people around you, as well as yourself. I know for myself I like to be kind of in the middle of things at all time, not necessarily in the direct heat of the spotlight but definately stage right of it, thus being the background is not a famillar place for myself. I found last night (congrats again ginny) that I was this background and as the rye's piled up I took a hard look at those around me. Some people I had never given a chance straight on seemed not so bad, others that I used to believe were absolutely amazing looked just average...and it seemed that at the very moment I was completely and happily content being the background that it was time for me to get back on stage, the music all of a sudden could be heard, the voices intermingled back into one big blur, the faces turned my way and I was drawn back in. On a night where family and friends came together to celebrate a marriage between 2 young people I found that I was completely and genuinely happy for them and that they deserved the spotlight. So next time you feel as though your blending into the walls and that no one notices embrace it and see what happens...sometimes you need cooling off from the heat of the spotlight and sometimes you just need to get off the stage completely.

well guess what another blog of pointless rambling...I need someone to cuddle up and watch movies with and keep my mind on one track otherwise this is just going to continue!!

"I want to take you far from the cynics in this town...to a brand new colony where everything will change" - The Postal Service

Effortless

It seems to me that the word effortless is most often associated with the proverbial true love. Where everything just falls into place perfectly and there is no need to work at it. But I have found that in my life the words effortless and love do not go together like that. I have found that when you put no effort in, don't try at all then the person begins to fall for you. When you finally realize that you yourself are falling and decide to put in some effort they turn the other way. Its like when someone doesn't like you that makes you try that much harder to like them and when they do you take them for granted. Anyway the point of this email is to ask a question. Is it that to find any sort of love one must continually put in no effort? or is it just that the right person has just not yet been found?

back to studying!!!

Road Trips and that's the Break...

Dear Blog Readers:
Today's blog is brought to you by the number 10 and the letter Z....after another reading week gone by I am further behind than I could have imagined. Thus why this is my entire blog for the day...Edmonton = Awesome time Break = Semi Blurry
That will be all!

(unless someone knows all about geography and wants to do my assignments and write my midterm on tuesday!)

Still Awake...

If it's not keeping you awake at night its not worth it. In the same respect you aren't truly over it until you can go to sleep without any second thoughts or what if's!

But giving up still seems like the easy route!

Mood Songs

ok so in playing off my recent bad mood for no reason I have decided to put out my list of a few songs that go well with certain moods, remember its not that the lyrics are vocalizing the mood its just songs that I listen to in certian moods. These aren't the top 5 they are just 5 or so that go with the mood...though the one in number one is the one I will always listen to when in that mood...anyway this beats trying to be creative!

Bad Mood:
5. Funeral For a Friend - "You want romance?"/ Taking Back Sunday - "You're So Last Summer"
4. Gary Jules - "Mad World"
3. My Chemical Romance - "Drowning Lessons"
2. Pedro The Lion - "Bad Day Diaries"
1. Suicide Machines - "I Hate Everything"

Overly Good Mood:
5. The Early November - "Fluxy"/ Anberlin - "We Dreamed In Heist"
4. The Postal Service - "Nothing Better" "Photograph" "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight"
3. Eels - "Mr. E's Beautiful Blues"/ Atmosphere - "Free or Dead" "Guns and Cigarettes"
2. Ghetto Boys - "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta"/ Billy Joel - "Only The good Die Young"
1. The Killers - "Mr. Brightside"

Depressed Mood:
5. Dashboard Confessionals - "The Best Deceptions" (an addition from my mother) Tony Rich Project - "Nobody Knows it But Me"
4. Atmosphere - "Body Pillow"
3. Josh Martinez - "Rainy Day"/ The Used - "On My Own"
2. Matchbook Romance - "The Greatest Fall"/ Midtown - "No Place Feels Like Home"
1. Blink 182 - "Adam's Song"

Hyper Mood:
5. Mest - "Fuct Up Kid"/ Something Corporate - "Punk Rock Princess"
4. My Chemical Romance - "Headfirst for Halos"
3. Relient K - "In Love With the 80's" "More Than Useless" "College Kids" "Forward Motion"
2. Anything by Less Than Jake, Mad Caddies, Rx Bandits, Me First and The Gimmie Gimmes, Reel Big Fish and some Suicide Machines
1. Anything with amazing and fast guitar!...ohh and Park - "At Breakneck Speed"

Romance/ Love Mood: (not for setting the mood..more for the what you listen to while you admist the falling part of love)
5. For some reason I have lately listened to tons of Straylight Run when in this stage..so them!
4. Jimmy Eat World - "Kill"
3. Sherwood - "The Summer Sends It's Love"
2. Anything Snow Patrol or Anything The Spill Canvas
1. Brand New - "Soco Amaretto Lime"

yeah I figure thats enough...mainly because my drive to even half attempt some creativity is gone!

peace

Bah humbug

Good ole valentines day. I hate commercialism...if you love someone tell them don't wait for some hallmark occasion and then say it with a card. Why not send them flowers on a random tuesday just because, why not try and be romantic more than on this one special day. I don't know maybe I am just soured on the day because I have no-one that I can shower with pointless gifts but really I wouldn't do it anyway! so if you celebrate this day and have a loved one whom you can share it with good job but for all us singles out there just raise your glasses and toast to monday!

p.s. my blogs suck lately haha

Bad Mood Days

Some days are naturally better than others for various reasons, good weather, got to sleep in late, breakfast is ready when you awake from such sleep, your alive, you didn't drink the night before, you love someone and they love you back, your gst check magically shows up in the mail when your not expecting it...all such things can just make a great day and for a great mood.

and then there are those same days that you would think would lead to a great mood and for some reason your just bummed out, angry, not happy at all. I proclaim to be an emo boy...but thing is I am generally happy 24/7 and not the happy because I smile the simling becuase I'm happy style. But then I would say about 6 days out of 365 (on average) I wake up and I hate the world, I Just don't want to get out of bed because I am crabby. Now its not to say I don't have bad days but I usually don't want to bring others down so I keep the happy dispostion. But I am talking bout the certian days where nothing bad has even happened yet and I am just in a horrible mood...welcome to today...no real reason when i woke up to be angry at the world or anything but maybe I just sensed it was going to be a bad day...which it wasn't...the sun was shinning, I watched family guy and best of will ferrel, I made myself a rad lunch and supper to boot!

you know what I don't wanna bring y'all down and I really just don't feel like typing anymore becuase I am going nowhere except complaining about nothing...I'm going to write a song..maybe something depressing will come out and this bad mood will have been worth it!

p.s. I will probably delete this so I shouldn't even post it...blah!

The Reverse?

Ok so let me know if this is just idiotic insomniac babbling or has some validity to it!

Take a look at your life...where it stands at this very moment. Think of all the highs, lows, points of nothingness, lost loves, found loves, scraped knees, first jobs, current jobs, place of residence, parents, friends, brusies, missed shots, made shots, chances taken, chances missed, bad decisions, good decisions, sleepless nights, what if's, regrets, fond memories, sick days, rainy days, sunny days, star gazing, floor watching, nervous times, confident times...I mean take a look at every aspect of your life to where it is at this particular moment, your life's little checkpoint. Now that you have done this take all those thoughts and reverse them, change them to the oppostie, look at your life in a strange upside down bizzaro world where everything is different. Are you still the same person? Were the rewards better for making opposite decisions? the consequences worse? Do you see yourself as being any happier? Do you have the same interests? Hobbies? Friends? Jobs?

Point is (yes there is a point to this) that too much of our life is spent wishing we had done things differently, that we had a different outcome, that things would be better with this and that. Regrets are a plenty and the future is nowhere to be seen. I truly believe everything we do shapes us as a person and without those bad decisions, chances taken, lessons learned and lessons that weren't learned the first time are not without purpose. That changing or reversing any one thing in our past would change our lives! some in very small ways, some in very significant ways. Inessence I am trying to say is that we should all stop regreting things:
1. you can't change the past no matter how hard you try!
2. if it wasn't meant to be maybe it just wasn't meant to be!
3. your the way you are for a reason, accept it, embrace it and move on!
4. People love you for your imperfections and changing them may result in a differed view!
5. a paraphrased quotation from my man Ferris "life can go by pretty fast. You've got to stop and enjoy it every now and then"...and if your just living in the past your going to miss what's going on in the present!

ok that is enough insomniatic rambling for y'all!

Peace

SOTD: Breakdown-Handsome Boy Modelling School ft. Jack Johnson

Good ole fashion rant time...

today's topic: The stupidity of some university classes and requirements

re·quire·ment ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-kwrmnt)n.
1. Something that is required; a necessity.
2. Something obligatory; a prerequisite.

Apparently to be an english major with a double minor in history and drama I am required to have knowledge of science...excuse me not just science but a science that has a lab component. Whom ever decided that proper grammar, spelling, punctuation and formulating a thesis and cosine, tangents and graph paper go together is quite the idiot. So to be clever and to rid oneself of 3 of the required 6 natural science credits I take computer science, easy enough. After this it is impossible...which brings me to sub-rant number 1...Geography:

ge·og·ra·phy ( P ) Pronunciation Key (j-gr-f)n. pl. ge·og·ra·phies
1. The study of the earth and its features and of the distribution of life on the earth, including human life and the effects of human activity.
2. The physical characteristics, especially the surface features, of an area.
3. A book on geography.
4. An ordered arrangement of constituent elements: charting a geography of the mind.

Georaphy consists of placements of areas on a map according to my acedemic advisor. No where in the conversation did logrithmic equations, cosine functions....to put it bluntly no where in teh entire conversation was I informed that math was a major staple of geography. I hate math...I was all fine with it until they stuck in those damned letters, I mean truthfully math is supposed to deal with numbers...why the hell did the letters get to join in on the "fun"...anyway back to the original topic. Geography, why must I learn how to make a map when I can almost gaurantee that the exact map has already been created...and then what baffles me more is that to create said map I must refer to 4 different maps to gain numbers to fill in the place of those pesky letters in my freaking equation. Then finally I have solved one equation to take the sum of that number divide by the square root of who gives a fuck and enter it into some other equation so I can pinpoint who knows where in the 4th degree latitudinal to the linear solar line....bah fed up with geography!!!...thus sub-rant numero 2

pre·req·ui·site ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pr-rkw-zt)adj.
Required or necessary as a prior condition: Competence is prerequisite to promotion. n.
Something that is prerequisite, as a course that is required prior to taking an advanced course

Advanced creative writing, otherwise known as Eng 358 with Guy Vanderhage. Prerequisite to the class is to hand in some examples of previous writing you have done. First of all I do not agree with the entire process of selecting a few for a creative writing class based solely on previous works. Anything originally created is then creative and thus should not be judged for the content but praised for the effort. Secondly you then judge the works only if they are short stories or beginings of novels...thus all subsequent forms of creativity are not good enough for your class, poety, movie scripts, playwrights, comedy sketchs, etc. are not a form of creativity. Guy Vanderhage you are an asshole who wrote 3 short stories that just happened to get published by some local canadian company and now you feel as though your all high and mighty and have the right to tell others what creativity is and isn't...and then you have the balls to tell me that "despite your chosen works I would be interested in seeing what you could write in the way of a novel or to begin with perhaps a short story." and then proceed to reject 17 other hope-fulls because they were not up to par. It is for this reason I did not accept your exclusive invitation...I would much rather my creativity is allowed to breathe and grow in it's own way than to be moulded and shaped by some washed up hack with bad breath. Good luck to those lucky few that have the distinct opportunity to take part in this class but Kudos to those that rejected the class for thier own reasons and best wished to all those he deemed not up to par for his class...he truly knows nothing of creativity if he tries to downplay what you have written.

holy rant crazy...sorry it's really late, I have had way to much caffine, spent way too much time working on homework and most of all was by myself for way way too long today and subsequently went a little crazy!

but it's my creative vision and if you don't like it tough nuggies!!

p.s. Pulled out the ole brand new "deja entu"(sp) and am re-addicted. Listen to this if you haven't before and if you have listen to it again!!

if this doesn't tickle your fancy then try some snow patrol...choclate, tiny little fractures, spitting games...any of those will do. trust me!!

Nerves

Tests I can write having no clue what's going on and not have a sniff of nervousness.
With any game in any of the sports I play I love having the chance to be the hero with no second thought.
Getting caught doing something I shouldn't be doing and I can somehow turn on the smooth talking and not one stutter.
...Well even superman had his weakness in kryptonite...I think I may have found my nerves' weakness. I bumble words, my legs shake uncontrollably, I do stupid things, my heart races and I what if scenario's to death....and I love it. I have very few times felt nerves, the stomach butterflies and all that jazz all at once with one person (3 times to be exact) and I love every minute of it. I just hope that this fall doesn't have a crash landing!

The nerves are at fault for this uncontrolable shaking
But they are that which makes me yours for the taking...

Band you should listen to today: Anberlin...new cd is now instores and it is amazing!!

p.s. I was planning on putting this awesome poem I wrote today in here until I forgot it at work...so lets just hope that the caretakers don't throw it out!!