Deep Dark Hole

Everyone has thier safe place, their comfort place, their no one knows I can be alone place...everyone has these and knows exactly where these are (I.E. my safe place is on a baseball field, my comfort place is on a cold day sitting inside an oversized t-shirt on top of the register, my no one knows I can be alone place is well I am not telling cause that would defeat the purpose!!) But the newest place that everyone will eventually have to find is thier very own Deep Dark Hole where the can go to when they want to be away from absolutely everything and wallow in thier own self pity. This does not mean a literal deep dark hole but somewhere like the crawl space in the basement or on the swings at a park at 3 am. The deep dark hole can house any sort of sorrow or pain you throw at it! This sounds like a terrible place but it can infact aid in the overal happiness of oneself! You can take everything you would normally bottle up on the inside and bury it deep in your dark hole and never have to worry about it again!

Man I am all about metaphors...I think I have more metaphors for the exact same thing than david hasselhoff spends time in the sand!!

So here's something thats been running through my mind lately...in a joke way so you know!!
There are Many different kinds of sex
-Regular grunt it out 2 (sometimes more) people in a passionate embrace, love factory to girl part old fashoned sex
- Cyber sex where one person talks to another person the guy is usally "6 foot 3 with some sort of blondish brown hair medium build" and the girl is always "5 foot 4ish with nice breasts, blonde hair and just wants something meaningful"...or so dorky and skin N bones say!!
- Phone Sex where some guy has to call in and gets charged 20 dollars a minute and women call in free or the women are already there and they sound all cute and sexy to the teenage boy with too much acne and whose voice hasn't yet changed when in acctual reality shes a mother of 4 sitting at home in her mo moo washing herself with a rag on a stick!
-Then we have the one that started it all back in the day...Mail Sex
so we have the on guy and he writes:
"dear petunia you have the most perfect body I have ever seen and felt. I am going to make love to every inch of you" he closes up the envelope and sends it on its way and a week or so later petunia reads his words and writes back : "Dearest rainbow flower I love the softness of your hands, I want you to grab my mellons"...and she sends the letter away and a week or so later RF gets his letter reads it and writes back "I grab your mellons softly and begin to caress" and sends away the letter the week goes by petunia opens the letter and reads and writes back "that feels amazing, do it again" send. week. read. RF writes "I grab your mellons and begin to caress"

Man that would been rough back in those days...I totally took this from a letter written by myself before but I thought I could get some more feedback on my comments if I wrote this so I figued I should pull it out!! anyway keep it real y'all!!
PIECE!!!

Start to Something??

So I haven't had much to write about lately....oh wait I have but I have just been to drained to do it!!
so rather then right about it I will just list them
Heartbreak
Heartmendish
Baseball Nationals
Bumped up to Number 2 on the waiting list at the U of A
Took one more step towards my australia trip
I TALKED TO A SCOUT FOR THE SEATLE MARINERS!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah thats right the major leauges of baseball have a team called the mariners and they talked to little old me after I pitched on a broken heel because as he put it " I really liked your attitude, demeanor, presence and how you didn't let things like an injury or massive amounts of errors get you down. I can tell your a leader in the dugout. Your who gives a shit attitude on the mound when something bad happens is something you can't teach" blah blah blah!!

so I am kind of floatin right now for more reasons than I can count...my buble will burst sooner than later but for now I am gonna ride it for all it's worth!

So being on this topic of all things seming to right themselves I will blog about this:

When everything seems desolate and hopeless the small victories can feel like enourmus ones. Have you ever been so far down and then you did something insignificant and got more than you expected and you can trace everything turning around on that one single moment. Do you remember that feeling of being better than the world. Well Remember that feeling anytime your down and out because if you can hold onto the ideal that sooner or later everything is going to turn around and you will feel on top of the world again then your being down and out won't be so bad!

you know what I'm really good at...not making sense!! Adam's number 1 at not making sense so thats gotta count for something right!!

Anyway keep it real y'all and enjoy your last week before the dreaded beginings of school and just remember that atleast you're not american cause they started this week suckers!!

(if you are american, well pretty much I assume that only the coolest american around reads this, then good luck with all the good breaks and the bad...PUN!!!)

Cane I holla at ya for a second?

I meant to write cane so you know...cause I was trying to forget the world and jumping over parking baracades and chiped a bone in my heel and then I couldn't afford to rent crutches and figured that one of my friends would have some but they didn't so I had to walk around with a cane and a sexy limp....ie I thought i was a pimp didly! haha last night I kept saying "I'm a motherf**king P I M Peters" I thought it was hillarious...judges.......................HILLARIOUS!!

anyway on to some sort of life philosiphiszing...

everyone has a breaking point. That one singular point where they just can't take it any more and bomb they explode. The key to the explosion is time and place. well to tell you the truth I have hit my breaking point at writing today and I feel as though I have no need to continue talking about something that I truly know nothing about, cause I have never exploded. They key to my breaking point is finding one...have you found your breaking point today?

p.s. sometimes change isn't needed...but its at that point that it's needed the most!

p.p.s. that feeling in your gut is wrong 50 percent of the time...but I now know I should trust the other 50 percent of that feeling more than ever! such an idiot!

p.p.p.s. rip...

The Weird Things We Save

so i was looking through all the things I have saved on my Microsoft word since the last time I did a full sweep of the computer and here are a few random savings: (can't remember if I finished all of these..I know have for one or 2)
Cloud Nine (unfinished)
Eyes locked into one another
Stares that could never be broken
Hands gripped in sweaty embrace
Body movement the only thing spoken
Promises of forever
Wrapped tightly in sweet nothings
Words lost in heartbeat
While still being meaningful somethings

Random Conversation with My First crush of High School in 3rd year university on ICQ (I'm Rapzillatron...my former white rapper name right after it was monkey feces/ sir vive/ writehanded)
Honey Rockwell (2:03 AM) :
I like you.
Rapzillatron (2:03 AM) :
thanks
Honey Rockwell (2:04 AM) :
In like a crush way but don't tell anyone.
Rapzillatron (2:04 AM) :
haha thats awesome!!
Honey Rockwell (2:05 AM) :
cool, well I'm going to go to sleep now. bye for now.
Rapzillatron (2:05 AM) :
good night!!

Some thing I saved titled: Snipits of Songs
i write these words for you only you to hear
though my vanity is half price its still full of fear
the letter and broken mirror now 7 years past
and the courage behind those words i still havent amassed
the fear of those two single letters in the form of your answer
has taken over my life and spread faster than cancer
thinking so much about a simple little kiss
as if the decision made wrong will result in the appocalypse
you use powder and foundation to hide from yourself
you use store bought confidence and put the real stuff away on the shelf
i stood at full posture and was still only half of a man
dwelling on all what’s past and no thought to what's began


I'll see her there and wonder hmm where to begin
then yell a fuck you and flipper the dolphin
er I mean the bird lets pretend that was unheard
shit I mean unseen lets start over and wipe the slate clean

i got left in the basement and started to hallucanate
had visions of my past and what is to be my fate


blank pages beware because i'm writehanded
you call me those names as if i've been branded
what did i do to you..did i throw sticks n stones
did i make fun of your weight..mr. all skin n bones

i'm the lyrical jester who just stole the crown
i saw you on the way up as you were on your way down
my smilin is what caused yours to become a frown
i'm the funny one and yet your the stupid clown

i've travelled side roads and i've walked down dirt paths
i've caught dirty looks and been on both sides of the laughs
i've cried cause i was happy and smiled when i was sad
i've worn my heart on my sleeve and put it down on this scratch pad


my mouth is like a heaven for words
but i lost my angel wings when i abandoned the herd
well they said abandoned i said moved on
i mean i was gettin tired because we were flyin for so long
without... any purpose or direction
and yet i never spoke up because i was affraid of the rejection
of my ideas, opinions and maybe my thoughts
or maybe i was just afraid of the battle that would be fought
and that it would result in the loss of my wings
and now there gone anyway and my summers lost its spring

I was just fine on cloud nine until I was tempted by ten

So what the whole point of this is that some of the things we keep close to us do not make any sense what-so-ever but yet they mean something. Had I not saved these to my hard drive I would have never remembered them...in the same respect if I didn't have that horrilbe memory of Chris Bartch hitting me in the leg with a softball bat because I said he swings like a girl in grade 6 I would never remember him (damned bastard). The things we keep become a part of us and ultimately shape our decisions, our personalities, our futures and have an effect on everything we do!

Anyway I am sick and in one of those moods where your head makes sense to you and only you so if you can figure out what I am talking about let me know!
If a picture is worth a thousand words does it take a thousand words to paint a picture...
If I could only be 7 again and had to decide which girl to throw dirt at, the one you like or the one that smells like cat food...

Inner Children and Goodbye Girl's

Everyone has an inner child somewhere. My question today is why does it have to be asn inner child?? I personally want to go on record and say that I do not have an inner child....I have an outter child!!!! Why watch all the other people have fun and run around and jump in the leaves and the sprinklers and be thinking inside "man I wish I could do that, but its not mature" Screw maturity!!! All it does is keep us from having un adulterated fun! When you keep things in they toy with everything on your insides from rage, love, anger, lust, etc so what makes an inner child any different. Let that little bastard loose on the town and just realize that the only difference there should be from yourself now and yourself when you were 7 or 8 is that you are bigger thus you can climb things easier, throw things further, do better tricks off of park benches, tell funnier jokes, laugh harder at yourself, take care of your own scrapes and cuts and know when to just plain ole shut your mouth!! So inner children revolt against the person holding you back and fight to get out and play in those freshly raked leaves I like to call life!

speaking of which Life is kind of like a fresh pile of raked leaves. Its a pretty tedious thing, the whole task involved and you have to be kind of anal about it at times and you may get made at a random tree everynow and then but once its done and all piled up you can feel a snese of accomplishment!!....and then jump in those bastard leaves mess em all up, throw them on the neighbours lawn and just let go...so what i am trying to say is, well I don't really know but here comes fall y'all!!

The goodby girl (or guy for those of the other sex/ play for the other team type). Everyone has one. Sometimes they change but there is always that one that no matter what you always come back to and then you have to say goodbye because one of you is leaving somewhere, and no mater how much you don't want to you have too. Then some time goes by and they come back and at some point you again are all about it and then bam goodbye. So anyway what I am trying to say is that I didn't really get to say goodbye the last time (when this time is only him and I will know...her I mean her =) and this is my little see you later!!

confussing everyone I hope...
if being random is the spice of life then what is the spice of random...
probably lemon pepper...

Once is often enough

I once had a soul
That has since been lost to indecision
I once made a decision
That resulted in a kiss and a wave goodbye
I once shared a kiss
That opened my eyes to the world and heart to the break
I once had a heart
That was ripe with a lust for life
I once had a life
That was full of hope and promise
I once made a promise
That I'd always stay true to my soul
I once...

Spend A Moment in My Head

I wonder if its going to be a cold winter...
skeet skeet skeet...
brown is pretty sweet but I wonder is neon will ever make a roaring comeback...
I wonder what the random pattern is on the random list cause there has to be some order to its randomness...
I wonder who thought putting the words drunk and crazy together would be a good idea...
baths are just nothing compared to a hot shower...
I bet a woodchuck could chuck a heck of alot of wood...
you know if he could chuck wood...
Derogatory comment...
the clouds fly the opposite direction of the wind...
hmmm everything is worth a try once, except maybe death...
younger girls keep getting bigger and thier shirts smaller and thats just wrong...
I wonder why they are called cowboys, could have really been anything such as cattlemen, guys on horses, hey you...
flames and dragons should just not be worn on any article of clothing or put willingly on the side of cars...
til it blows up in your face...
drama 216 it is...
if I scrunche my face does my beard look more thick...
if my beard looked more thick would I look older...
if its really only scruff and I keep calling it a beard what will my beard be called...
some chicks can rock the dyke look...
no guy can rock the dyke look...
I wonder whose more insane someone who talks to themselves or someone who doesn't...
probably the one who hears answers...
are they falling stars or shooting stars...
which one grants on average more wishes...
perogies and sausages, I am going to make perogies and sausages for supper...
inner conflict should cause more stress but really i makes me go nuts in a good way...
if i were any better looking it would hurt...
mainly cause i would have to get plastic surgery and I can only imagine that hurts...
oooooo cocky bomb follow by a self burn, good combo...
still waiting...
if I were a woodchcuck how much wood could I chuck...
bud didly...
whoosh woosh i'm a tree...

ok thanks for taking sometime out to spend 5 minutes in the goings on of my mind, peace y'all

The In. Con.

The pressure mounts and feels like it is about to blow...ner. flict.

to that point...

plain and simple...

Confussion

so friggin confused today...
I confuse people alot, mainly myself...
the number one key to confidence is confidence...
spelling is not my strong point...
music makes everything better from heartbeats to heartbreak...
why was the hot dog wearing a blanket? because it was a chili dog...
that was cheesy but I like cheese...
number 3...
creative I am, no matter what anyone else thinks...
apparently...
what did one plate say to the other? lunch is on me...
little cousins teach you so many lessons (and jokes as you can see)...
phone calls are nice but random drop ins are even better...
sometimes I wish...
last night I saw 3 shooting stars...
somewhere a clock is ticking...
I'm just killing time as time is killing me...
sometimes I write blogs that make sense to me and only me...
sometimes I write...
sometimes I...
sometimes...

Tricks

The mind is a funny thing, it can do so many amazing things and then it can play so many crazy strange tricks. The tricks are rarely nice, they aren't like when you answer the phone and say something like "domino's pizza" they are more like when you answer the phone and the cruel doctor on the other side says "Adam I am sorry but we've lost both your parents...just kidding". These tricks can be played in many ways such as making your eyes see something that isn't there...but what my main focus is on the tricks the mind plays on words. Words are small little things consistent of letters formulated to make a sound, but for such very small and barely significant things they carry an amazing amount of meaning and wonder. They can make/ break a day with the wrong ones put together, they can cause worry/ joy..they can do so many things. Then comes the mind and its cruel tricks where a certian sentence of words can come out and the mind takes them and repeats them back to onesself and then gives the wrong tone or meaning and provides false hurt, pain, joy, worry, happiness, wonder, what ifs etc. So this is my plea to my own mind...you stop the tricks and I will stop the constant pestering of you for every answer to ever single thing and stop droppin in at every moment to contemplate every single word/ lack thereof.....deal??

Candle Lake Long Weekend = Friggin amazing. Needless to say I had the smallest shirt at the bar-take that bar skanks!!!! I was all over the map and can now add pole dancer, bar skank, and tubing extrodinare to my resume!
beach was awesome, weather amazing, the boys priceless...can't wait til next year!!
Anyway off to drown my friends sorrows away...WOOT!!