Life lessons I shouldn't know but do

-The covering on a loaf of garlic bread is made of tin foil thus should not go into a microwave
-A wet dish towel is the best way to put out a burning microwave
-You cannot run from the elevator to the exit door and back to the elevator before the door has closed..trying this may result in pain and stiches
-A safeway grocery bag is not as good as a parachute to jump off of your roof with
-Neither is 2 safeway grocery bags
-Emergency use only means "emergency use only"
-Having a cape does not mean you can fly..but it does mean you can get ice cream to stop your crying
-Ab stimulators are meant for abs not the other extremities of the body
-Never call someone a pussy for not going on a ride and then get off of said ride and puke
-You are never to old to laugh about farts or shots in the nuts
-Streaking in -10 weather is freaking cold
- in -20 its even colder
-Never leave your clothes in plain sight for your friends to see when you are skinny dipping
-Hair dye pills may look like M&M's but they definitely do not taste the same
-Waxing hurts...kudos ladies
-They aren't lying when they tell you poison ivy has 3 leaves
-Once the nose breaks more than 4 times it is pretty weak and the chances of it happening again increase
-"wet paint" signs are often lying
-But then again sometimes they aren't so make sure you check first
-Green day and O Canada do not sound the same for drums...especially during concert
-Forgetting lines in a variety night doesn't matter when you make up clever remarks
-Passing out first at parties results in, writing on your face, water poured in special areas, being duct taped to stuff, having special areas put close to your face..etc. etc.
-Fish do not like alcohol, no matter the amount
-Knees are not designed to bend that way
-Break dancing in a different school is not a good idea when there is a funeral going on
-Mc Chicken sauce is very very hard to get off of a windshield
-A camera or 10 dollars can cause you to do strange things you would never do without these 2 variable being involved
-It is not appropriate to cop a feel on a first date even if you follow it with the sound "whomp"
-When your friend in the passenger seat says "don't hit any more bumps" he means it
-Febreeze gets the smell of puke out of a car best
-Mullets and mustaches are not making a come back no matter how much you want them too!
That's all for know...save some for later
keep it real y'all!!
"wondering how I could get so deep and you could still get sleep" -She paints me blue (Something Corporate)